Cleaning Up
by Pyroluminescence
Summary: [HughesRoy, HughesEd, Elricest Oneshot] Hughes is sent to retrieve Edward after a week of being in his room. On a trip back to Hughes's house to shower up, they all find themselves getting into more than they bargained for.


Notes: While this story is, for the most part, supposed to be cute and light, it also has some very strange drama tied into it, and is a little inconsistent. Though, given the amount of pairings that appear in it, you'd probably come to expect as much. lolgasm

* * *

"Edward?"

He kept his voice calm, not daring to provoke the young alchemist. It paid to be careful; even the slightest hint of irritation or panic in his voice would test Edward's fragile, almost nonexistent willingness to communicate. He was more than grateful for the fact that Ed, a fellow soldier he cared dearly for, had the opportunity to become a state alchemist at such a young age. However, he wasn't about to be grateful for the youthful stubbornness that accompanied him.

No response.

Maes sighed, a heavy, hearty noise that seemed to echo uncharacteristically throughout the well-insulated halls. "Well," he grumbled, scratching back a few stubborn strands of hair, "Mustang can't say I didn't try… That's the fifth time today."

It was true that you only got what you wanted the moment you gave up on it, he realized, as the door swung open to reveal a very disgruntled-looking Edward.

Hughes tried not to cringe at the boy's appearance. He looked sullen, with his grimy hair sitting slick against his scalp, and his bright eyes looked like a mere flash of color in their sunken hallows. Edward appeared both simultaneously younger and older than his age, and, in any rate, in desperate need of a shower.

"What do you want, Major?"

"Lieutenant Colonel!" He automatically corrected. He though he saw Ed smirk, though it looked like little more than a brief disfiguration of his thin, flat lips. Though his features belayed little, his posture was reminiscent of a dying plant. Hughes felt a stab of pity for the young soldier, which was quickly washed away with the realization that all the kid really needed was a bath. Or two.

"You been up all night again?" Hughes asked, resting a hand on Ed's damp shoulder.

Ed grunted in response.

"Look, Edward – you've got to get cleaned up. The colonel plans to meet with you later this evening, and you haven't been out of your room in a week!" Again, he tried to express the urgency of the situation – hell, he'd come across month-old corpses smelling better than the Fullmetal – without provoking the boy. He could have presented Edward with the Philosopher's Stone while saying it, but as long as the word "colonel" was used, his reaction was the same…

"I don't give a shit what that bastard wants! I become a lapdog of the military the day I was certified, but I _never_ agreed to be _his_ lapdog!" Before Hughes could comment, Ed launched into a shockingly realistic impersonation of Mustang.

"'Oh, hey there Fullmetal! Say, my office is getting AWFULLY dusty… And I just can't find anyone to take care of the shelves on the bottom, 'cause no one around here's short enough! Good thing you're here! How about taking care of it for me? You won't even have to crouch down! Ha ha ha!'"

Hughes blinked, not quite sure what to make of Ed's performance. Then, smiling, he leaned in closer. "Is that what this is about?"

Ed snorted, seemingly immune to Hughes's methods of comforting him. "Please. I haven't had _time_ to get out of my room. If I so much as step outside, it's because His Holiness the Flame Alchemist has a new 'mission' for me. Last time it was reversing the direction of all the toilet paper rolls in Eastern Command! What with researching and gathering up as much info as we can on the stone… hell! I only get to eat whenever Al smuggles me food!"

Hughes's smile widened in sympathy. "It's the life of any military dog. But you in particular have a very time-consuming mission at hand."

Ed groaned. "Tell me about it…"

At once, Hughes snapped up. "Oh! That reminds me!" At once, he whipped out more horribly recognizable squares than his pockets should be able to hold. "Just look at how big Elicia's getting! Why, just the other day she got into Mommie's make-up! You'd never seen such a natural! That settles it – she's going to be a pageant queen!"

"…Lieutenant Colonel…"

"…Right, right… Anyways, you going to be all set?"

It seemed Edward was incapable of answering him without groaning first today. "Yeah, I guess. Where's the nearest shower?"

When Hughes smiled, everyone who'd come across him knew to expect one of three things: Pictures of Elicia, an overly sentimental drabble or some otherwise heartfelt words of wisdom, or very bad news. Given the situation, Ed knew which one it was going to be.

"The only showers at Eastern Command are across from the fitness longue, but they're a bit uncomfortable," Hughes explained, shrugging nonchalantly.

Ed rolled his eyes, more at the idea that a high-end military facility_had_ a fitness lounge than the idea that whatever discomfort the Eastern Command showers came with could outweigh Edward's need for one.

"You've been rolling your eyes a lot today," Hughes noted, his slight smirk evident in his tone.

"Yeah, yeah. Rough week – you know the drill. Anyways, as long as the showers have soap and running water, I don't see the issue."

Maes crossed his arms then, and from the pose alone, Ed should have been able to tell what was coming. "By 'uncomfortable' I mean you have a row of shower heads on a wall, and nothing between them."

Ed flushed slightly, but didn't seem taken aback. "Yeah, well, it wouldn't be the first time I've showered in public. I thought Mustang'd never let me see the end of it…"

Hughes flinched. "You're kidding! He ratted on you after seeing you in the buff?"

"Yep, that's the colonel for ya… Hey, what's with the surprised look? You see a ghost or somethin'?"

Again with the smile. "Err… That might have been my fault… You see, one time Mustang hung up on me, and as revenge I took some photos of him in the shower, and, ah…" Hughes scratched his head sheepishly. "I guess I'm just a fountain of inspiration these days…"

"Right. Going to pretend I didn't hear that. So as long as Mustang's not around, I should be safe."

"Well… Not exactly. Armstrong spends about half the day working out, and the other half showering… Don't know how he gets anything done…"

If Mustang knew that the very idea of showering with Armstrong were capable of turning the Fullmetal from an animated stump to a flailing, colorful display of zealous horror, he could've saved Hughes the trip.

"No way in hell! He'd hug the life out of me, and I'd need medical attention… Even more so when Winry comes in and beats me because he broke my automail, and then she and every medical personnel in a 10-mile radius will have seen my naked ass!"

Hughes wasn't expecting that scenario, but, oddly enough, it seemed to make sense. Armstrong _was_ a very outspoken man… And it would have been easier on all of them if his speech were his only manner of being outward.

"All right, Ed, you can shower at my place. Just don't let on about it. Otherwise everyone'll take advantage of my charity… And then how will I ever fit in time to give my darling Elicia her bath??"

Ed chuckled. "You're hopeless."

"Hey! What if you have kids someday?! Come back to me then and see how hopeless ol' Hughes is!"

Ed glanced up, nonverbally thanking the Lieutenant Colonel with the first smile he'd given in days. It was a gesture well returned, and Hughes couldn't help the surge of warmth that so often accompanied the young alchemist's presence. Despite his extroverted nature, there were very few he truly loved and trusted, much the same as any military man. Edward was a youth still naïve to the ways of the world, but with his eyes always set straight forward. Immature, arrogant, and childish as he often was, he'd chosen to take upon himself a responsibility few men twice his age could comprehend. It was in the best interest of the elder soldiers to listen to him. Edward Elric could very well be the greatest hope the world had.

Another stab of emotion let him know that he'd do all in his power keep it that way for Ed, or else die trying.

It wasn't long before Hughes managed to snag a break, which was surprising, given his current workload. Behind them, Sheska's posture was vaguely reminiscent of Ed's. This no doubt meant more work for her… Edward cast her a reassuring grin. He often wasn't sure if getting her this job was a golden opportunity or an all-out commute to hell.

"Say, Lieutenant Colonel… Do you really have to get off work just to come with me? It's not like I need you to scrub my hair," Ed murmured, the emotion slowly returning to his tone. "And please, no remarks about how I'd need the entire military in order to scrub it clean," he added. Hughes chuckled.

"It's not often I get to see you anymore…" The two looked at each other then, eye to eye. Something reflected in Ed's expression caught his attention. Without realizing it, he knelt in closer, as if to see what those eyes contained…

He flinched as he realized his nose brushed Edward's, and quickly drew back, throwing on his best grin and laughing nervously. "Besides! I bet you just can't wait to see Elicia! You won't believe how big she's getting! Why, just the other day…"

Hughes rambled on, doing all in his power to avoid looking at the Fullmetal again. Edward gave a slight smirk and folded his hands into his pockets as the doors of Eastern HQ closed behind them.

"Honestly, Mr. Hughes. You really _are_ hopeless."

--

"Playing chess? Shouldn't you have been babysitting the colonel?" Edward grumbled to the woman across from him.

"He's a big boy now. I thought it was safe to play a few games," Hawkeye replied with a slight smirk.

"Oh, come on! You're only so happy about ditching Mustang because you kept winning!" Al complained, turning away from the three chuckling soldiers.

"Whoda thought, eh Al? Never lost a sparring match to your older brother, but when it comes to chess, you might as well transmute yourself a dunce cap," Ed teased, his growing grin almost distracting from his disheveled appearance.

"When it comes to personal hygiene, by the time you decide to wash up, you'd need the Stone just to transmute enough soap to do it!" Al countered.

Hughes laughed softly. Train rides brought out the worst in all of them. As Mustang had once said, the only way these things could have any class was if the seats were made of marble, like the effect one got from riding it. It was always hard to sit on his rear all day when a daily journey by train made it feel like Armstrong's newest punching bag.

"Eh, you heading home, Lieutenant?" Ed asked, deciding to brush off Al's remark.

"Yes, and none too soon," she sighed, "I have to be back later to make sure the colonel does his paperwork…" The other three nodded vigorously in sympathy.

By the time they'd gotten off, the two brothers had gone from playfully throwing every insult ever to hit the streets of Amestris to good-naturedly chatting about Roy's bad habits. Of everything Ed rambled about, his favorite subject had to be the colonel. Whether it was cursing Mustang's name by all his ancestors, or remarking about how he had toilet paper stuck to his shoe a few years ago, Ed never seemed to grow tired of giving him a bad name.

"Seeya later, Lieutenant," Ed called, pausing to salute the departing woman. She returned the gesture with grace and meaning that could only come from being a fully seasoned soldier, and turned on her heel.

"Geez, brother, you must really smell! You'd better get used to the sight of a woman walking away from you at this rate," Al teased.

Hughes chuckled while Ed clenched his teeth, somewhere between anger and trying not to laugh. "You're usually so mild-mannered, Alphonse. Why the change?"

"Oh? It's nothing, really… Brother and I tease each other all the time. We find that when we remember what makes us laugh, it makes us remember what was tied to that laughter. If we keep teasing each other about these things, we'll remember to take care of ourselves. Brother'd be like this for a few more weeks unless I got on his case about it," Al explained. Ed smiled.

"That's my brother for ya. You don't want to know how often I get on his case about his kitten obsession…"

"What? It is NOT an obsession, Brother! Come on, if you had this body, and you saw a kitten waiting for you to give it a home, you'd take it in, too!"

Ed's smile faded slightly, and he glanced back down at the cobblestone. "Probably…"

It wasn't much of a walk, but, as always, it was enough to make Edward complain. He'd been through miles of desert, run for hours on end without a chance to catch his breath, not to mention his training with Izumi all with his head held high… A short walk through Central, on the other hand…

"C'mon, Lieutenant Colonel… At this rate, my_left_ foot's gonna get sore!"

"We're here."

The sudden stop caused Ed to topple into Hughes. As was his talent, Hughes turned and caught the boy, smiling - in contrast to Ed's disgruntled frown.

"A little warning next time, Hughes…?"

Hughes laughed and clapped the younger soldier on the shoulder. "It's good to keep you on your toes, Ed."

Ed sighed heavily and regained his posture as the three of them walked down the pathway to the Lieutenant Colonel's house.

"Yes, Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes… Being in the intelligence department, I'm sure you're up-to-date on just how _lacking_ I am of surprises in my life," the Fullmetal grumbled.

However, for the most part, this remark fell on deaf ears. Which, by the way, Edward was almost impaired with by Hughes's shriek of joy that masculine vocal cords _should not_ have been capable of.

"Elicia! Oh, Daddy's missed you so much!" Maes cooed as he embraced and twirled his little girl, "don't you two just adore her?"

They didn't dare respond, knowing a polite "yes" would give them another two hours' worth of hearing about Elicia.

"Maes? Is that you?" From the darkness of a nearby hallway, the brothers made out the shape of Gracia. From the looks of it, she'd already changed into her bedclothes, and as they stepped closer, they saw dark shadows under her eyes. Apparently this look was the new thing around Central, too.

"Gracia!" Reluctantly, Hughes let go of his giggling daughter and passionately, albeit gently, embraced his wife.

"I'm sorry Dear, did I wake you?"

Stepping back, Mrs. Hughes shook her head. "I was about to doze off… I'm glad you did. I still need to put Ms. Elicia to bed."

"Err… Hi, Mrs. Hughes," Ed murmured awkwardly.

Gracia smiled kindly, apparently not at all fazed by the fact that Ed had shown up unexpected while she was in this state of dress. It _was_ true that the Hughes's considered him to be family…

"Ed here just needed to use our shower real quick," Maes explained as he clapped a hand on Ed's shoulder.

"I hope it's not any trouble…" Ed added out of etiquette.

Her smile widened as she reached down to pick up her daughter.

"But Mommy! I wanna play with Edwad…"

Gracia gently pressed a finger against the little girl's mouth. "It's too late to play, Elicia. You need to sleep up so you can play tomorrow." She turned to the brothers. "You two are family; you could never be any trouble. The best thing you can do for us is make yourselves at home."

She walked away, carrying the quickly depleting Elicia with her.

"Mr. Hughes, Gracia's so kind…" Al remarked suddenly. "Elicia sure is lucky… To have you two."

Hughes smiled admiringly at the shadow disappearing into the darkness of the hallway. "Yeah, she's always able to see the good in everyone. Sometimes I wonder if the world needs more people like her, or if she's just too good for a place like this…" His smile widened. "But I know that the world's been blessed with her, either way. My wife and daughter are more than anything I could ask for. If you follow the principle of Equivalent Exchange, I could never pay back…"

Edward nodded. "You've got a point there. Our mother was the same way, and Winry's parents… Always out there to help others, no matter what. The world itself couldn't pay an equal exchange for them. But we do have people like them here, which is why he keep fighting to make sure that all people can see good in each other."

Maes's smile lowered into a smirk. "One day, Ed, kids like you are going to be the ones doing just that. It's our job to keep it that way for you, so one day you and Elicia can live in a future that's not stained by war and hatred."

"Geez, this conversation's getting cornier by the minute," Ed remarked, shrugging his shoulders, "I'm gonna head off." With that, Alphonse found himself picking his brother's boxer shorts off his helmet.

"Hey Ed!"

With _that_ exclamation, Alphonse found himself peeling the lieutenant colonel's boxers off his helmets.

"What the- Hughes!"

"Well, hey. I need a shower, too! And time's a factor…"

"Brother… Please… but your pants back on…" Al groaned

"No way in hell, Hughes!! If you're the one that gave the colonel the idea of blackmailing me with my naked photos…"

"Aw, come on, Ed! We're just like family! Don't tell me you and Al haven't bathed together!"

"Yes, but Al was never a crazy-ass, annoying military guy with a history of obsessing at the least convenient times possible…"

"Aw, come on Ed! You aren't _planning_ to do anything that'd need me to blackmail you, are you?"

"No, but I'm not too keen on the idea of showering with someone who already spends every available moment annoying me!"

"Please, Brother, Mr. Hughes… The blinds are open…"

"FINE, Hughes. But damn it, don't hog all the water."

Hughes beamed. "Hardly an issue, Ed! We'll be saving water!"

Al could only sigh at the two mens' backsides as they walked out of view just in time to slip out of the newly appeared Gracia's sight.

--

He wanted to get out of here as soon as he could.

For one thing, apparently shared showers, something Ed had always perceived as a quiet, down-to-business, get-clean-and-get-out event, Hughes viewed as an opportunity to babble on about his family.

For another thing, despite how spacious the shower was, he'd seen quite enough of the lieutenant colonel's backside.

And third, everything else that was awkward about having Maes Hughes scrub your back for you.

"Come on, Ed! Think of this as a type of male bonding experience for us! Roy and I used to shower together all the time! Nothing was kept secret between us!"

"You know," Ed grumbled, "I think the major would've been a better shower mate…"

"Believe me, Ed. I'm glad to spend time with you."

"Yeah, yeah, love you, too, Hughes. But really…"

He smirked and stepped back to let Ed into the stream of water.

He couldn't rush it. The warmth of the steady torrent seemed to slowly seep into him, calming the angry ache of joints improperly slept on, and skin that hadn't known this kind of comfort in forever. Screw getting clean, the warm water alone was pure heaven. No, he decided. He didn't care if Hughes was armed with a camera and printing press. There was no way he was getting out anytime soon.

"You know, kid, you're just like the colonel. Sometimes I think the reason you two bicker so much is because you're so alike."

"And what makes you think you can compare me to _him_?" Ed retorted, his anger drown out by the relaxing rhythm of the shower.

Hughes shrugged. "You both wear yourselves down without resting, and bottle everything up… When it comes time to relax, both you get shell-shocked. Honestly, Ed. You looked like you were on cloud nine."

Ed sighed. "Yes, I _was_. Now will you please shut up for a minute?"

Hughes laughed. "You two really are one and the same. I remember when the two of us used to get in fights over how he kept putting himself last… He always mentioned I wasn't one to talk." He lowered his gaze solemnly.

"And he was right. I dedicated my life's work to pushing him to the top. After that, Roy and I never argued again."

Ed sighed. "Honestly, Lieutenant Colonel, I like it better when you rant about your family. I'm sick of hearing about that bastard…"

Suddenly, Ed's grip on the soap tightened, causing the slippery bar to jump out of his hands. Somehow, Hughes caught it in mid-drop, and looked up to stare at the young alchemist questioningly.

"Hughes… Tell me something… No matter what military regulations are, you two always refer to each other by first name, and the way you look at the colonel…"

The intelligence specialist averted Edward's gaze.

"It's the same way you look at Gracia… And the way Mom used to look when she thought about that bastard… The way anyone looks when they have those kind of feelings for someone! You were in love with Mustang, weren't you?"

Hughes certainly had the smirking thing down pat.

"You really are a prodigy. There's a reason I work in the division I do. I'm good at hiding things. You're just a kid, and you've picked up on things even Hawkeye never suspected."

There was an awkward silence then, and for a brief, unwelcome moment, Edward wished Hughes would bring up another story about Elicia chasing butterflies or drawing pictures for her Mommy.

"Yeah, the two of us were pretty inseparable for a while. There was a time when we finished each other's sentences." Hughes looked back to meet Ed's gaze.

"I was in love with Roy. I know I still am. But… Well, I wanted a child. I needed to settle down and have a family. Dog of the military or not, it was what I wanted more than anything - even Roy. When I met Gracia, I just knew I couldn't keep this up. Since then, she and Elicia have been my world. Still, I never forgave myself for breaking him."

Ed just stood there, eyes widened in some mix of shock and admiration. "Mr. Hughes…"

"Ah, well, just goes to show. I guess, maybe, it was a fair exchange. Giving up Roy, and bearing the guilt that went along with it even now." He shrugged, as though this topic didn't cut nearly as deep as Edward knew it did.

"But… Wow. You're always so devoted to your wife and child… There's not a better family man out there. How can you do that, living with the guilt of leaving your fist love, disgusting bastard as he is, and yet still remain hopelessly in love with her and stay so true?" Ed questioned, with his wonder the only thing apparent in his tone.

Hughes squirted a glob of shampoo onto his comrade's clumpy scalp. "You're being presumptuous, Ed. It's true I'd give anything and everything for my family, but where I still have feelings for the first… Well, I have _slipped up_ a few times. Gracia's always been so understanding; it's hard to believe. Roy feels as though she'll never forgive him. Not that she blames him in the first place, but things that cut so close tend to leave you with a guily conscience."

Hughes began humming nonchalantly as he started kneading his fingers into Edward's slowly recovering strands.

"…I didn't ask you to wash my hair…" Ed commented.

"You were wasting water," Hughes combated.

"Yeah, well… Damn… No wonder the colonel gets dumped so much."

"I'm telling you, Ed! He needs to go on and get a wife! I tell you, it's the most beautiful feeling in the world!"

Ed groaned. "That was fast…"

"You know how it is, Ed. The past is the past. Like you always say, the only thing that makes sense is to move forward. I've already accepted that this aspect of my life is always going to be a little difficult, but there are far worse things I deal with every day. I'm not the most unfortunate person out there. I know I'm going to _slip up_ a few more times in the future, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not going to matter. I know who I gave my heart to, even if parts of it are still scattered." Hughes finished the latest of his introspective rambles with yet another smile, which quickly extended into a grin.

"Which reminds me! That friend of yours, Winry… Seems like she's awful good wife material!"

Hughes barely flinched as the shampoo bottle bounced off his head.

"Oh, shut up…"

"Careful, Ed… Wouldn't want me to pull your hair, would you?"

"You have been! Jeez, I hope this isn't how you wash Elicia's hair."

"Her hair never gets so grimy," the older man commented.

"You're paying for that one, Lieutenant Colonel!" Ed cackled, and reached up to yank of a chunk of Hughes's spiky locks.

Next thing either of them knew, Ed was in the older soldier's arms, his lips furiously provoking a heated response from his comrade.

Hughes gasped against the chapped skin and returned the gesture with unrestrained passion, leaning down and entangling his hands further in the Fullmetal's hair as arms, warm and cold, wound tighter around his neck. The steel edges dug painfully into his skin, but his grunt wasn't in response to the discomfort. His mind was blank to all but the heat of the younger soldier's mouth.

Pressing Maes against the tile to prevent any further complications due to the height difference, Ed let his tongue gently skim the other man's lip. Hughes responded by gently, abeit passionately, suck along the length of the Fullmetal's lips, chin, and neck…

"Ah, Hughes… This is getting a little… Ngh…" Ed forced himself to push back away from the older man's warmth.

Then, as would be expected, both of them had one thought running through their heads. As most romantic stories go, true love blossoms when lovers think the same, as it meant their hearts truly beat as one. However, in no stories that they had read did their current thoughts ever echo in the mind of an Amestrian Adonis and his delicate maiden.

_'I wish I could just die right now.'_

"I'm sorry…" Ed stuttered, "I don't know how that…"

Hughes raised a hand to silence him. "Be glad you're only a child, Ed. You have two things going for you: You're the future of this state, and as such, it's your responsibility to make sure Elicia grows up in a world free of things far, far more wrong than what just happened. And second… There are some things you're still naïve to, and that's more than a small blessing, believe me."

Ed nodded, feeling the slight, unfamiliar shame wash over him in the same fashion as the steady stream of water. He felt Hughes continue to work at his hair until it fell familiarly back into its usual form, slick against his skin only because of the wetness clinging desperately to his skull.

The two got out and dried themselves in silence. Ed had no idea what to think. Hughes treasured his family about all, and would never, ever so much as think of betraying the woman he'd given his heart and soul to. And yet, sometimes, he didn't think. No matter where his heart was, he was still human, and as a soldier, emotionally hardened to certain ways of the world.

"Lieutenant Colonel."

Hughes looked up, still vigorously attacking his damp hair with a fuchsia bath towel.

"Promise me something."

Hughes smirked once more, obviously knowing what Edward's concern was. The motion seemed unfitting for the situation. "You don't need to worry, Edward. I'm married to the only one I need – my true love. I'm sure of that more than anything."

Ed sighed and tied his towel around his waist, trying not to cringe at the sickening shade of salmon it carried with it (honestly, could Hughes have worse taste in bath towel colors?). "You just slip up, right?"

"I suppose I do. Oh! That reminds me! Did I ever tell you about the time Elicia spilled bubble bath all over the kitchen floor…?"

Ed smirked. "You've told me all I need to know, Lieutenant Colonel, and then some…"

--

"Hey Al, ready to roll?"

"Hey, Brother! You sure were a while… You should shower more often."

"Hey! I shower plenty! This was a rare occasion!" Ed argued.

Al laughed. "Come on, Brother. You and I both know how hard it is to come by a nice cleansing. You should thank Mr. Hughes."

Ed shrugged. "Already did. He's off to bed now, and this early! Good riddance. I thought I'd never hear the end of it."

"I didn't, either."

Ed stopped in mid-step.

"Eavesdropping, Al?"

If it were possible, Al would've broken out in a nervous sweat.

"Uh, well… You see…"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Al."

As the two of them left for the train that would take them back to East City, with Ed rambling under his breath about the distance and how at this point Hughes should just camp in the colonel's office until he was transferred, Al couldn't help but worry for his elder brother.

"Big Brother… You're not going to tell anyone about what Hughes said, are you?"

"What? 'Course not! For one thing, I'm not about to stab him in the back like that, annoying as he is. Second, he made me promise I wouldn't. Case closed."

Al sighed. "He loves you, Brother. He wants to look out for you. So… Let's not look at what happened the wrong way, all right? From what you told me, it sounded totally random… To just kiss like that…"

Ed shrugged. "Yeah, a one-time, spontaneous deal that had no meaning whatsoever. I'm not gonna think much of it Al, don't worry."

Alphonse stopped suddenly, and Edward with him. It seemed as though the two of them operated as soul mates, where one would react to the other like they were magnetically in sync with each other.

"Brother, when…_that_ …happened… What were you thinking about?"

Ed didn't answer at first. Instead, he continued walking forward, and Alphonse decided to let it go for now. After all, his brother had a lot to think about, regardless of how the Lieutenant Colonel himself would say it wasn't enough of an issue to be worth the stress.

By the time they'd seated themselves on the train, Edward was ready with his answer.

"I was thinking of why I let myself fall into that… Because, Al…" Ed purposely slumped back so as to lean against his brother. "It's been so long since I've touched anyone like that. Even given a hug, or… anything. It reminded me of things I'd lost, things I want more than anything…" He looked up, meeting Al's glowing eyes.

"Flesh and blood I _can't_ touch…"

"Brother…"

They continued to ride in silence, until finally their destination forced them to interrupt the peace and stillness of the scene.

Ed seemed to move so much more freely now, the fatigue and ache drained from his body.

"Geez, I'm gonna get it from the colonel… Five minutes late. He'll probably ignore me for another ten! And then be all 'Fifteen minutes late, Fullmetal? Or have you been here longer? I can't tell, what with how short you are and all!' Gah."

Of course, as Ed's luck, or lack thereof, would have it, the next open door revealed said colonel, with his expression as cocky and loathsome as ever.

"Good to see you. Say, I just heard a fairly interesting tidbit from the Lieutenant Colonel… Getting involved in the personal affairs of others is a bad mistake for a soldier to make. As your punishment, I expect you to commence a full-out inspection of all the lavatories on this floor. The Major has offered to assist you."

Were he in the company of anyone but Mustang, Ed would've started sobbing.

"In addition, I'm placing a gag order on the incident," he added.

"What?! Isn't that just a little extreme?!" Ed remarked.

Roy shrugged. "Perhaps."

"Why??"

"Because I'm your superior, and I can."

"Brother, please stop making that gesture under the table…" Al requested gently.

"Also, one more thing…"

Ed looked up in time to see Roy hand him a small silver chain.

"Go ahead, it's yours."

Blinking, Ed accepted the spontaneous gift.

"The Lieutenant Colonel gave it to me back then. It's been a burden in my pocket ever since. I couldn't give it back, and Gracia wouldn't accept it. Now that the three of us aren't the only ones who know, I'm passing it onto you. He trusted you with our secret for a reason, and that thing in your hand is going to be a reminder of that."

Ed's eyes widened in shock. "But- Colonel! I couldn't!"

"It's an order, Fullmetal. The Lieutenant Colonel stands behind me."

Ed sighed. "Is that _all_?"

Roy crossed his arms and smirked. "Seems like it."

Just then, a horribly familiar form jumped out in front of them, a semi-worn button-down fluttering behind it.

"Are you ready, Edward Elric?! For tonight I will demonstrate to you the secret method of toilet scrubbing that could be passed down so gloriously only by the Armstrong line! Take your time, and revel in it, for few could hope to be exposed to an honor so great!"

The blood seemed to drain from Ed's face.

As the Major exited the room, flexing all the way, Al followed behind Ed.

"Say, Brother…"

"Hm? What is it, Al?" Ed responded as he pocketed the thin silver chain.

"I was wondering… Despite all that's happened, and going to happen… Do you think you're going to have a true love, just like Mr. Hughes, who'll always be the only one for you?"

It was all Ed could do to smile. "Don't be ridiculous, Al," he chuckled as he looked up warmly at his brother and gave him a soft pat on the elbow, "I already do, and believe me, ol' Hughes has it a lot easier than I do with the whole 'committing a sin' deal."

He could already see Al's smile.

"We're in this together, Brother. We're all we have, and I'm committing no less of a taboo than you."

Ed grinned and playfully punched Al's forearm. "Just goes to show you, you really can't help who you fall in love with."

--

Roy Mustang sighed as he collapsed into his armchair with a _whomph_. Hawkeye would no doubt be back soon, which meant the end of procrastinating and the start of an all-nighter with paperwork piled up to his armpits. He couldn't wait until his transfer back to Central… At least then there'd be a few more high-ups to dump things on.

"Sir?"

Speak of the devil…

"Colonel, sir. These forms are due by tomorrow by the order of General Hakuro…"

And the devil will appear…

"Yeah, I'm on it. Thank you, Lieutenant," Roy replied, his tone smothered with enough unenthusiasm to almost drown his best friend's explosive displays of affection towards his family.

"Oh, and one other thing…"

Hawkeye handed him a thick sheet of paper, print side down, across the table.

Turning it up, he raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'll be damned… It seems the Fullmetal Alchemist still hasn't grown a centimeter since I last got his nudes. Please extend my thanks to the Lieutenant Colonel…"

"Honestly, sir, if you have nothing better to do then collect shower pictures of all your subordinates, maybe I should inform the Fuhrer himself that you're not getting enough paperwork to fill your time?"

Roy sighed and folded the photo into an envelope for later use. "Someday, Lieutenant, you'll understand the impressive aerodynamics of photo paper airplanes and their wonderful potential as blackmail."

Hawkeye merely shook her head. "How do you think Ed's holding up?"

The two of them cringed at the sound of porcelain cracking, and Armstrong's loud boom of, "Relax, Edward! For you are about to see the great Armstrong family technique of toilet unclogging as only I can present it!"

It would go down as a long and difficult night at Eastern command for all of them.

* * *

You see the story you just read?

REVIEW IT. Seriously. It only takes a minute, and it makes me happier than I could tell you to get feedback.

Anyways, I hope you found it satisfactory. I apologize again for the quality and inconsistencies, but I'm sure the visuals made up for it. ::SNERK::


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